Don't kick yourself. I thought alcoholics were homeless winos, not people with jobs and houses. I knew my husband drank too much while we were dating. I even saw incidents where he destroyed property and man handled the dog. I minimised the extent of the problem using the fact that he was drunk to excuse the behaviour. He##, even after he man handled me when pregnant, I used the fact he was drunk to excuse the behaviour. I was in such denial. After a couple of more incidents, I finally admitted to myself he was an alcoholic. I saw a counsellor, stopped enabling and my AH cut right back on the drinking. Even then, I didn't understand what it meant to be an alcoholic because I thought my actions had cured him. I believe it now that an alcoholic is never cured. I have seen first hand the disease progresses if they don't abstain completely. In three years, his drinking, mind and body had gotten out of control again. Finally I got myself to Al-Anon and things are becoming so clear to me.