And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned.
Em forgive me if I am wrong, but it sounds like you are struggling a bit, I pray that you do find the serenity you seek. The above quote is out of the BB and is one of the promises of the 10th step, one that I can attest has come true for me and will stay true as long as I maintain a fit spiritual condition.
It has been some time since I have fought the beast, do not get me wrong, the beast is still there, but I no longer fight him any more, I am in a safe place where ever I go, yes the beast goes where I go, but the battle with him in my head is for now over and will remain so as long as I remain in the right place in my head.
I pray that you will be able to reach a point where you no longer need to battle the demons, ghouls, saber-toothed tigers, and men of the dark through the course of the day, but instead will simply be aware they are there and that you are safe.