Very bad weekend, sick and have to fess up
I am primarily referring to my treatment program although I may as well here too. Did not do well this weekend. Still not doing well. Between the pit of my stomach being sick and the lump in my throat to hold back the tears, this sucks. Now I have to go in and "process" as it were - process the failure of my friggin life. I just want to get through the day with no surprise visitors to remind me of what an f-up I am. I don't even feel safe sitting in my house. Now the best I can hope for is to maintain some sort of grip and go in and volunteer tomorrow without being too sick. That is the goal for my day. I just want to clean this place up, not get to the point of getting sick, not get the shakes and figure out in my group how to stop these things from happening.
The person I've been involved with - well, he can mention marriage, retirement and soulmate stuff all he wants and then just blow me off for the weekend. Screw 'em. I just don't want him coming over here.
Ok, sorry. I know I blab a lot. I'd like to believe someone gets something out of what I say (as in please do NOT do what I do) or that by saying this I somehow stop what I am doing. Blah blah blah. Sorry and thanks for listening.