Originally Posted by
sosad2008 
I feel trapped. I feel tricked. He presented himself as a different person before we got married. Now he flatly refuses counseling, or refuses to work on our relationship. I am 46, not exactly young. It is a big deal to start over now.
What can I do??
I am trying to look for a job, but everything is 2 hours away. My dream is to have my own business. But I am overall just paralized to do anything. I feel frightened and depressed.
Oh boy, I know exactly what you mean by "paralized" because I was there once. I invested 20 years in the relationship because I refused to articulate the problem like you just did. At the time it seemed easier for me to minimize the issues, to blame him, and to believe in a fantasy. The whole thing was so terrifying to me for so long because if I acknowledged the problem I would have to act. I became the frog in a pot of boiling water...sitting there as the heat turned up and I became just as emotionally/spiritually sick as him or probably worse now that I think about it.
Finally, my HP (higher power) did for me what I couldn't do for myself (a humiliating and heart-breaking event) and I woke up and decided to get healthy. Except at first I didn't know that is what I was doing. I just had enough of being emotionally abused by him and by myself.
What I did to help me become un-paralized was to start individual counseling, attend Alanon and read their literature like "How Alanon Works", and read around this board , and other books such as Codependent No More. In the meantime I started rebuilding my life... I feel happy now a lot of the time!!
I was 46 at the time and am now 49 and still working on my journey of self discovery, self care, and self love.
Welcome Sosad, pull up a chair and make yourself at home because you are among friends.