standing

Hi. I' new here, but I spent a long time reading threads last night. I'm 25. My parents got divorced 3 years ago, but were seperated at least 13 years ago. I can't be sure exactly when they seperated, because I was young and don't actually remember a lot of my childhood. Anyways, when they divorced recently, my mother became addicted to meth(among several other narcotics). She OD'd twice, and after seemed to be following her 30 day program. I was sure she had quit. Then, the other day, her boyfriend called me in the middle of the night. He was scared and had taken her to the hospital. Apparantly, she had not told him about her substance abuse problems... so, her third overdose caught him by surprise. I was angry with her, but have been visiting her everyday in the hospital. I'm about to make the hour long drive with my little brothers again today.

Looking back, I began to wonder when exactly this started. Was it normal to spend weekends in hotel rooms as a child, getting checked on by drunk parents every couple hours? My fondest childhood memories are books I read and movies/tv shows I watched. Am I overexagerating, somehow making new situations up in my head? My mother was raised by an abusive alcoholic father. Am I too busy thinking about myself, when I should be helping her? I found out Santa was fake after I woke up to an empty tree, because mom partied too much the night before and was spending the night at some guy's house. I sometimes get mad at myself, thinking I'm just being whiney. I mean, she was the one that was physically abused as a child. I was only slapped rarely, and it never left a bruise.

Am I just trying to find an excuse for my social problems, boughts of depression, and failure at intimate relationships? I feel like a 25 year child and misfit.