Been an interesting week... for me.

I learned about the slippery slope that is gossip: I learned how weak I am, how terribly gossip affects my connection with my HP, I learned what attitude energies I want to be aligned with, and what energies I don't want to be aligned with ...

zowie.
There’s individuals who talk about ideas, and concepts. There’s individuals who talk about politics, current events, and practical application of the steps, spirituality, and morals into their daily lives.
These people … I like these people.
Their conversations spring from their commitment to recovery. Even when deep into a challenging game of cards, or pool, or scrabble - their comments to each other reflect a perspective that comes from within perceptions that are being changed and developed by the steps.
Talking recovery from the inside … out.

Then there’s the group that talks about … each other. Other people. Their problems. Their faults. Their shortcomings. Their resentments toward the people in the other two groups. They’re a pretty tight little group, always sitting together, and it looks for all the world like they’re having a great time. They talk about recovery, talk about it all the time – but - I’ve learned this past two weeks that these people are in truth, quite draining. Their influence on me leaves me feeling anxious and depleted. Sometimes, I can’t seem to get up and move away from them fast enough. Yet, if I’m not dilligent … I’m soon sucked back into that spiral again, sometimes subtly, sometimes sensationally. The inability to notice I'm getting sucked in is what's scandalizing me right now. I thought I was smarter than that. Then again ... I thought I could control my drinking, didn't I?
I think I get lonely, or just plain bored and whip up, or jump right into a bit o’drama for the hell of it. Some of these people don’t know any other way to be. Their talk is recovery – but their actions are still in the bar.
That’s talking recovery … from the outside.

Now, they're not evil, or 'dark' ... or anything like that - it's just that I seem to know ... different. I guess it is a form of judgement, but when it all boils down, there's simply a better way to be. I already am both types. I choose to focus on the first type.

The God of my understanding speaks to me through the words and actions of both sorts; I will not close myself off from them, however … for this time in my recovery … I can only be surrounded by the one kind. As for the other kind, I can accept them, encourage them, support them, laugh, joke, be friendly … I simply cannot afford to be one OF them.

I need to be hanging on the inside ... looking out through my recovery.