(((Trish)))
I'm glad you told on yourself, and you're right...a year ago, you'd have been out the door as soon as you hit the "submit message" button. You've come a long way!!
It makes complete sense to me that you associate relaxing with getting high. I've done the same thing for decades....pretty hard to NOT associate the 2 things together just out of habit. I can think of something I did 20 years..."yeah, that was really fun, oh yeah I was drunk and smoking weed" or whatever. Not many things I did, did I do clean and sober. Even in the days before addiction took over, I still partied. A lot of us did.
I was also addicted to the chaos/drama of the streets, but since I've stayed away from it, it's pretty easy to not go back. Sure, I miss some of the people, but I keep up with the news from that area, and it's gotten bad with people shooting each other, so I'm glad I'm not there
It's a gradual thing, ((Trish)). You've already made some HUGE progress, even if you don't realize it. I see progress in you all the time.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy