I dont even know why I would feel like that really. There is nothing relaxing about smoking rocks.
There are times. But not too many.
But even I will think about before I became a full blown street addict.
I was just a pothead.
I think alot of me thinkin like that goes to those times.
It was what we did. Ever since I was a teen.
Anything we did. We did stoned.
And I am not goin to lie. It did make it more fun. Funny, relaxing, interesting.
Or maybe I am just thiking about just dong the things we did. Being with friends, BBQ's, goin to the beach, just hangin out and livin life and just being what we were. Somewhat normal people, takin care of our business, then doin whatever on our downtime with all our friends, havin fun and not having to worry about if your gonna have to fight an addiction all day.
Maybe thats what I really miss.
Being normal I guess.
Having my friends close by. Doing things with them. Takin care of lifes responsibility and being able to enjoy life too.
I dont know. Its hard to eplain. 'I know there arent too many times like that smokin rocks running in the street.
Maybe way back in the day it was fun like that. But it hasnt been for a looong time.
I am addicted to that craziness now too. Not just the drug. The chaos andf excitement.
I always seem to get in these ruts.
Where I get bored with living life safely.
That is so sick.
I dont want to be anywhere near that mess.
But at the same time. I feel like I need that adrenaline.
I am not even goin to feed that thought.
I am actually ok with being boring.
It is alot more relaxing.
I have a love hate thing with chaos.
My uncle bday was yesterday.
So we are goin to my aunts for bday dinner tonight.
Gonna go out shoppin in a few with the grams.
I already cleaned up the house and got dressed.
I never do that on my days off. This staying busy all the time thing is really stickin with me.
I usually just lay around all day and night on my dyas off. I certainly never even brush my hairt let alone put the make up on ancd put decent clothes on. LOL.
When I get lazy. i get real lazy.
I never clean house eother. 'But I hahve had to for the past week. So I kinda actually like it. 'I have a routine now. After work come home and clean the cat box and clean anything here that needs it. 'Then I sit down and relax.
Usually I would just flop my big ass somewhere and not move for hours.
Feels good to feel good and be productive.
Even when I am exhausted. It gives me a feeling of purpose and I am actually a little proud of myself and feel like an important person that has meaning.
So I will try and keep up on being an "Adult".