today is different than the old days of addiction
today is different than the old days of addiction. i woke with a gentle kindness in my heart. I'm learning that i can steer the direction of the endless mind-chatter that carries on in my head by noticing my thoughts, naming them, and then practicing trying out a new thought.
it's so much better than the way it used to be. One of my local AA people hung himself last week, and another one had a massive heart attack and died as well. they both had about 25 years sober. they both helped me along the way during the early years of my sobriety, and before my relapse and subsequent journey into the world of crack. I don't know what to think about all that.
but i'm grateful for this day. for soft music. for kind thoughts. for the recovery foundation that i am building. And for uncomfortable emotions as well. I'm grateful for all the things that are part of the reality that I bring to this moment. I want to be me today, completely, my desire to be someone else, anyone else...or just to be magically made a millionare seem far away in the distance of my past.
today I'm more and more content with just being myself and with living in the journey of my life. just living within the page of the book of my life that i am on.