Jimba,
Just popping in to say, "Hi!" And to let you know that you are loved. You are such a compassionate guy, I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you.
Tish, post when you can, honey. You are not in a good situation and you are not in a good place. I keep asking (please forgive me for hounding), why is detox and rehab not an option for you? It could help put you on the road to solving so many of the problems that you are having right now. :praying