I was having a pretty decent morning... minding my own business and then this nauseating thought jumped into my head... and I've been a mess ever since... and I'll try to make this short.
I've posted before on a couple of threads that my AH had left... the last time he left was this past Monday. I made it clear when he left this time that this would be the last time.... no more rubberbanding. I've been coming to grips with everything so far and have been doing quite well. I know I didn't cause it, can't control it and I can't cure it and I'm strong in the decision that this relationship was not healthy and it was deteriorating beyond my comfort zone.
When he left this past Monday he had been pretty nasty for the majority of the week... especially on Monday... One of my boundaries was that I would not tolerate him drinking more than the allotted amount that his Doctor said his liver could tolerate... 4 ounces a week. If he wanted to drink the 4 ounces I didn't ride him about it... but I also wasn't play mommy and dole out the 4 ounces either... (tried that and it hadn't worked)
Anyway this past Monday he was in a really pissy mood and decided he was going to leave.... and I said "if you leave again.... you won't be welcome to come back." Then he shouted "You won't have to worry about that". Of course since then he's declared a number of times that he didn't want a divorce... but that we just spent too much time together and that was the problem... (not his relapses).
He
did not say that he was leaving to drink... he was leaving because he was just not happy... My codie ways and his behavior tells me that he wanted to just get plastered and do everything....(which he has done)
Did I set this up for him to leave? I know it was his choice to leave and I have no control over him.... this question is really eating at me right now... did I set him up or am I just falling for the bs noise from him and myself?
Thanks.