Daisy..this division of feelings also comes between parents that have a child that is an addict. When discovering that my son was into crack,my husband and I could hardly speak to each other because we were internalizing our feelings rather than giving them life. By this I mean we each had different moments of anguish at different times and didn't want to intrude on the other as it only brought forward that gut wrenching sickness that neither of us wanted to face which brought forward a fear of having to tell each other that although we loved each other and our son we just couldn't find joy in this cruel discovery as it seemed hopeless.
Eventually I found that if I felt joy I would laugh out loud..believe me it took time to even smile any longer. My husband would say to me I haven't heard you laugh forever..what is it? I would relate to him that the most simpliest reading of whatever gave me that second of laughter..he then would smile as well.
It taught me not to hold back as the only thing that I was guilty of was not understanding and not sharing. It took many months of not being on the same page but eventually by showing the emotion whether it be sadness or joy we came together.
Even if they don't want to hear what is being said I feel it is important to say it regardless, after all you are both in the same home and you are sharing life together.
Be patient with yourself first and perhaps vocalize your joys however they come because I do know that each and every day there is a small smile in every one of us. Teach by example if need be, you are not the addict .. thank HP so be a leader by example.
Just a few little things I did until we were both feeling that however we shared at least we were sharing and this brought us back to living. It does take time.
lauren