Hi book!! Thanks for asking and letting me reflect on my progress.
Its been 5 months since I've been no contact. And about a month since I stopped the antidepressants. I was afraid of my life at work without antidepressants, but I am doing good. I avoid AH as much as possible. Today for instance, he is not here, so I feel relief as I know I won't be running into him. Before, I would obsess about where he was, with whom, blah blah. Now I am just grateful he is away. And I really started believing it was God's work, getting him away from my life. My faith has never been stronger.
I am loving my apartment more and more, decorating it, and feeling so great when I arrive. Today I will host a reunion with coworkers and I will cook a Mexican dish for them, which is known in Mexico city only. In an hour I will get the ingredients, so I am excited because they will be my first guests at the apartment. Hopefully they will like it!
At work I feel recognized. I feel proud because I am the only woman at work among other 100 male engineers, and I am the only one who works 24x7. I was given the most important and large account, a US based financial company. Last week I was 100% in charge of the global network as my team was under training. I was very busy, but feel really good about my accomplishments, about my boss trusting me with that huge responsability.
Many people said I was not worth this job as there were some troubles during interviews (they asked me stuff that I never said I knew!), etc, but none of the people that matter (my team lead, my ex team lead, my current boss and coworkers in USA) think that, quite the contrary, they value me and my job and are really kind. So I take it it was all envy! I feel so grateful I got a well paid job I like and helps me grow. I like it I do not compare myself or my achievements with others. At work I have a healthy attitude!!
I have been told I look great, much younger and if I have considered modeling, can you imagine. So it turns out I have never been boring, dumb or ugly, I had believed that 27 years and now I realize none of that was real LOL I get angry with myself for believing stupid comments or that other people's opinions were TRUTH and more important than mine!! HAH, never again !!
This weekend I will start studying for a certification. I have to pass 3 exams, this is the first one. I am very motivated to keep learning!
Its been a month since I am going out with a nice guy. He works and studies management. Yesterday he told me an uncle is involved in politics, and he will start getting involved with it and his uncle's campaign. He treats me like a lady, opens the door, invites me everything, brings me flowers, cards, chocolates - the whole deal. I feel very different with him. As we are both busy we really cherish the moments we spend together. I am so grateful he arrived in my life now, and not a minute earlier!
I am excited about my plans, I am saving to buy a dark gray Mazda
(of course I will get it in year 2060 but I have a feeling I will own one sooner!), saving to buy a keyboard, a flat screen and a bike.
I am walking at a park at 6 AM, 3 coworkers go with me and its so wonderful, there is a Japanese garden that is so special. It sets my mood for the day. I am doing yoga again.
Later today my mom will go visit my sister in France. I am very happy. My mom had some health problems and we were not sure if she could fly. Well, she can! And I will join them for 10 days in July.
My sister will stop working and hopefully she will live with me for a while, so I am really happy already making plans to take her out, cook together, travel, etc.
I am painting and drawing again and my new teacher says I am very talented, its been years since I painted anything because I was so depressed and I thought I and my work was worthless, so its very meaningful that I am not only doing it again but doing it with passion as I believe in myself now!!
May go back to theater lessons, my director has been away filming but it seems he is back.
I am healthy and I have everything going for me, of course there are days where I am very sad but the bad months have helped me be a totally different person, focus on the present and the future, and on taking ACTIONS... if something makes me feel bad I call my therapist immediately to make an appointment LOL so I feel I am doing SOMETHING and I feel so empowered!!
I am just sad it took so much pain for me to wake up but I am grateful I get another chance at real happiness in my life.
Thanks for sharing and good luck to everyone, I agree, SR has taught me what health looks like and I will always be grateful with all of you!!