Thank you so much Taz and Wolf. I get it. Thanks for making me look a little deeper. I think that the real issue may be that I am very afraid that I will suddenly be the talk of the organization, and several things may happen: 1. My decisions past present and future as a director will be questioned. 2. My staff will lose respect for me. 3. I will be asked to step down from my position.
4. I will go back to drinking and my secret will have been let out for nothing. (That's my biggest worry, sadly.)
I know full well there are many people in my field that are in recovery. There are a few at my organization that I know of. Out of 2500 people, I can think of 6 or 7. I know I am not alone, and I know I am not special, it's just that I can't untell it once I tell it.
I'm not refusing to go, I'm just struggling with it right now. Funny, really. Because I went freely to AA meetings with my ex who was a terrible alcoholic. I was willing to do anything to help him. So I went to AA with him and I went to alanon, and I went to counseling. I nursed him and enabled him and almost loved him to death. Now I won't go to a darn AA meeting for myself?
