Hi....
Congrats on 5 days.... i get what your saying about it feeling hell of a lot longer.... i used to binge drink... then it became more and more regular...
It may feel different this time because your conscious of trying to stop... where as before it was just a normal routine you were in... and afew days were normal betweeen drinks...
Its good about the not thinking about going to the shop.... seriously dont knock a gift horse hey.....
I understand the feelings too.... now that i've stopped numbing my feelings i am finding it really hard to cope... but i have to cope... cant go back to how it was.... no real life that way... just existing between drinks.
You say your not ready for meetings... there are other things you can do... there are counselors... SMART (not sure i am allowed to advertise that here.... so appologies if i am not) is good too... also there are online AA meetings if you dont want to go to others.... but you really do have to have some face to face support... i tried doing it myself... as have many here and its a hard uphill battle.... having someone to lean on WILL make it easier...
Make it easier on yourself... your facing alot...
I wish you well.... and pleased to meet you
Be well
louis