Hi everyone,
I hope you're all having a great day today!
Today is the fifth day of no drinking for me. I've gone plenty longer before (binge drinker more than a daily drinker), but since I made the decision to stop, 5 days just seems like a really long time.
Now I am having all these feelings that alcohol has helped me mask before. Feelings of guilt, shame, anger, embarrassment, inadequacy, disgust, fear, sadness, sensitivity. There's more, but I'm having a hard time articulating. I'm crying more easily; kind of like I'm a scared kitten or something. It's a strange phenomenon. Exhilarating, but strange, nonetheless.
Last night I got all the way home and didn't even realize that I didn't have to talk myself out of NOT stopping at the wine store. I drove past it and must have been thinking about something else. Weird. (And probably a fluke, because it's only been 5 days, but thank God for small favors.)
I'm not ready to go to meetings, guys. And I'm not really sure if I even want to go (or need to go? or can face going?) I am a Director of Nursing at a large organization and I can't risk the scrutiny right now. My drinking has never affected my work or my reputation, (that I am aware of at this point).
OK, I'm rambling. Excuses are a dime a dozen. Anyway, I just wanted to share about all of the feelings and emotions that have been surfacing as a result of not drinking. I feel like I am bursting with all kinds of wacky feelings.
