spiritedgrl123

For some reason this week, that I can't wrap myself around, I am feeling quite "off". Almost like I can see myself in this huge lake, and I am swinging my arms, kicking my legs and fighting with everything I have JUST TO KEEP AFLOAT, and I am getting so worn out, and just don't feel like fighting it anymore.

I'm reading A LOT everyday, from several Al Anon books, I'm going to my f2F meetings, I'm posting, journaling......using every tool that I can think of at my disposal and in the blink of an eye it seems I can be right back to wondering WHY and HOW EXABF could possibly behave the way he has. I can go right back to struggling with not wanting to hate him or be angry with him, but it is soooooo hard sometimes and I can go from that to remembering last year this time and how UNBELIEVABLY HAPPY we were. IF he was sooo happy-HOW could he just toss it all away and walk away like that? I had thought he was the one, I was done dating, done looking and my life was complete. Now I have to go back to sqaure one in the dating world and I keep going back to square one in my recovery it seems.

I'm frustrated today, at myself for not being able to figure out WHY I just can't get him out of my head this week, and for not being solid enough in my program that I'm letting him get to me still-WHEN he isn't even around anymore...

thanks for letting me share
spirit