I guess our posts crossed...
Cass - I 100% understand how you feel. If I can say the right words or be mad enough or cry hard enough or just make him understand what he's losing. If I can just make him think about his family or our 21 year relationship as HS sweethearts. I put the picture in his head that our 20 year class reunion is in June. We were voted cutest couple, I was homecoming queen, he was my date. What's everyone going to say at the reunion now about how far he's fallen. Just get it together in the next 1.5 months and let's move on with our lives. Let's have addiction be a large bump in the road that we SURMOUNTED and moved on from. I KNOW from everything I've learned that this is HIS battle, but yet I can't seem to let go. I can for a while, but then frustration just builds and builds until I explode because he fully agrees with everything that I'm saying. But for the most part his actions speak differently.
To have to let that go is a tough thing - one that I haven't been able to fully do yet. Just the fact that you are at that point and realizing it is HUGE! I'll be honest, I'm not sure 100% of your story, but I remember you jumping into recovery and really seeming to "get" the steps and work them. You seemed to shine in recovery rather quickly. Do you think maybe you pushed too hard or too quickly and your emotions and reality is/are just catching up with you?
Keep posting, 'cause I know MANY of us are in the same situation at about the same time frame.
I too started taking Lexapro a while ago - I couldn't handle it - really bad vertigo. I've tried a few different anti-d's. I gave them up. My conclusion for 'me' is that I have a reason to be depressed and so far no pill has helped me with that. Diet and exercise have, but I've gotta make my butt get up and do it more!
Cass - I know right where you are. I've been there many times, but yet keep jumping back into the fire to try to pull him out. Hugs to you.