The first thought I had reading your post is he is building to a drink. Explosive temper, blaming, punishing silence (which is psychological abuse, by the way, and among the worst ways to inflict pain), arrogance and defensiveness. He is a moment away from a drink. Do you want to be there when he takes it?
We think we should "be supportive" just because they went to rehab or just because they are attending meetings. So we overlook bad behavior, we forgive emotional abuse, we wait patiently for the better man to emerge. We put up with a life that makes us sick (as you describe).
I know you don't want to lose this man you love, but given his alcoholic acting out, I would step away for at least six months. You may think he'll find someone else in that time, you may think you cannot let go of this man......but only TIME is going to clear the fog and the emotional chaos in your life and I can assure you that right now he has more power than you because he IS willing to lose YOU if you are standing in the way of his next drink. He will act out in extreme ways because bottom line, his primary relationship is still with booze. Dry or not. In early recovery, it's still about the relationship with the drug.
You need support. You need Al-anon and recovering people to help you hold YOUR bottom line.
Wishing that for you.