sleepygoat

in letting go of my AD, of my Mother's Day (coming in just hours), and of everything else I can't control.

My AD did get the message from my mom (her Grandma) that I will pick her up from the train station and then drive us both to my mom's for Mom's Day. My mom spoke to my AD's BF and he told her and she knows what she needs to do. I spoke to her last week and she was seemingly excited to come and see us both.

The chances of her actually getting off that train? 50%? 75%? 2%? who knows.

My assignment, should I choose to accept it, is to be OK with myself, my life, my God, and my feelings regardless of the outcome of tomorrow.

Mother's Day has been (for the past 2 years) the single worst day of the year- I have been suicidally depressed, spent all day in bed, spent all day crying - you name the negative emotion, I've had it on that day in the past. the first year she was using (2 years ago on mom's Day), she was on the street & i thought she was dead. Hired the Private Eye the very monday after Mother's day that year to find her. I Remember all that like it was yesterday. Last Mother's Day was not a whole lot better. I truly despise these holidays - but be that as it may, I need to get thru this one, and I hope to make it thru with as little pain as possible.

Suggestions?

BTW, my mom doesn't not want me to come unless my daughter is with me! She actually told me not to. I resisted the strong urge to say, "Hey, mom, what am I, chopped liver?", but I certainly thought it. so going and being with my own mom regardless of what AD does is not an option.