My doc says that you can take sub for life if you need to soon to be on the market is an injection that will last 6 months to a year. I was kind of appauled, always thinking about myself first. But it may be the case that some need it, that kinds part of the discussion I wanted to spurn with that post. But people tend to develop anger because of the fight and pain they have been through.
Now always feels like forever and once it's gone like it never happened, we are just left with the residue. You will never be what you were, but perhaps wiser happier and more understanding. I understand you were maybe wound pretty tight. I wonder if you were depressed or had anxiety before u started to use.
I understand and can relate to your feelings completly, but I have been here before a long time ago. Tomorow will come and bring better days, you have to start putting some of the issues to rest which are making a hard task impossible. They have detox where they put you out for a couple of days scrub the receptors and bam detox is over I believe it's about 7gs and you get a 14 day stay with support. It's what I should have done in the first place. I know you have the family problem, you don't have to tell all to be honest about your problem.
Get to the Dr. I know he can help, I think something for anxiety would make a big difference for you. I'd roll the dice and get the good stuff and be aware use it and dump it, but most would tell to go the non addictive route. They are probably right.
And print your last post give it to him and let him read it, take all the suicide stuff out, unless it is something you have seriously considered. The post I think will give you Dr. some insight. Don't let him or her pass it off make them read it!