Step 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
Much of my early sobriety was all about drilling Step 1 into my brain. From previous attempts at sobriety, "I'll never drink again" turns into feeling a bit better which turns into "it wasn't that bad" and then the beer starts to look good again. I had to approach the steps with great urgency.
I just can't rationalize drinking anymore = no more fantasy.
Meetings, read the Big Book, get a sponsor, start the steps. The sooner you get to work, the sooner you will find peace.
With respect to your issue with God/Higher Power, just try to keep an open mind and don't overcomplicate it. My first HP was my late father (I would get strength from my memories of him) and my kids (their unconditional love - I will do anything for them) - it's all about finding something that gives you more strength than you have on your own (self-will). It could be right in front of you.
Hope this helps.
BB quote from the first ed. of the BB.