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Is this normal?

Old 05-06-2009, 10:40 AM
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Is this normal?

Hi all,

I have some questions about this sobriety stuff. Today is day 12 . . .

It's been quite a struggle about 3/4's of the time. I didn't expect the process to be such an emotional and mental challenge. I think about drinking, or not drinking, almost every waking minute. Is this normal? It's like my brain is obsessed. I was not like that while drinking. If I felt like drinking, I drank and that was the end of it. I even dream about drinking

Also, I have been "fantasizing" (best way I know how to describe it) about drinking. And, the fantasy is very difficult to clear from my head. For instance, Sunday I went to two aa meetings and went running twice before I was able to clear my mind and stop fantasizing about drinking. Is this normal?

Next, I find myself very irritable. I feel the urge to lash out and fly off the handle over almost anything. Is this normal?

Finally, if all of this is fairly routine, when does it end? This drunk is running out of steam and is starting to think I was happier drunk. I attend aa everyday. I share, I listen . . . what else could I do?
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Old 05-06-2009, 10:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Relief View Post
Hi all,

I have some questions about this sobriety stuff. Today is day 12 . . .

It's been quite a struggle about 3/4's of the time. I didn't expect the process to be such an emotional and mental challenge. I think about drinking, or not drinking, almost every waking minute. Is this normal? It's like my brain is obsessed. I was not like that while drinking. If I felt like drinking, I drank and that was the end of it. I even dream about drinking

Also, I have been "fantasizing" (best way I know how to describe it) about drinking. And, the fantasy is very difficult to clear from my head. For instance, Sunday I went to two aa meetings and went running twice before I was able to clear my mind and stop fantasizing about drinking. Is this normal?

Next, I find myself very irritable. I feel the urge to lash out and fly off the handle over almost anything. Is this normal?

Finally, if all of this is fairly routine, when does it end? This drunk is running out of steam and is starting to think I was happier drunk. I attend aa everyday. I share, I listen . . . what else could I do?
Do you go to meetings? If not, I highly recommend an AA or NA meeting every day! It's something to do, something to keep you busy, and full of people in the very same boat you are in, some in a different boat now, but they will relate and remember when they, too, went through the same thing.
My first two attempts at staying clean, I dreamed about smoking crack. I fantasized about it. I thought about it day and night. 93 days in to being clean, I don't have the dreams so much, but when that female time comes, yeah, I did fantasize it. Even caught myself trying to remember how I loaded the pipe, how I held it.. All that yucky, triggering ****. I wanted it. Now, that the time of the month is almost over, I feel much better. It's like ahhhhh, much better. No cravings.
Point is, get yourself to some meetings. Face to face, making some friends, getting phone numbers, listen to what other addicts have to say. Look for the similarities. Just because they may have a different drug of choice doesn't make their addiction any better or less than your own. Our journey's will differ, but the addiction is the same, and there will be many who can relate to you. Many here, like myself, can relate as well. The first true month, for me (where I didn't substitute), was rough. I didn't have as much obsession over using as I did withdrawals, but, like I said, I just went through a few days of being obsessing about using. One point, I won't lie, I picked up the phone. I had 40 bucks in my pocket. I thought, a little won't hurt..
Then I told myself to play the tape all the way through. Which means to think the whole situation through. Would I really stop at 40 bucks of crack? Would things really be alright? Would I still go to work or would I concentrate on getting high? What would happen to my clean date if I went and got that 40? What would happen to me if the cops pulled me over with a felony in my bra? What would happen if something, during the deal, went wrong and I got shot or ripped off? I played all the possible scenarios, in my head, and none of them turned out good and I knew that "just a 40" would indeed HURT. It wasn't worth losing my clean date, upsetting my loved ones, possibly getting arrested, killed, or losing my job over. NO drug is worth any of those things, including alcohol.
So play the tape through. Would you stop at having one drink? Would you stop at 2? What happens if you don't and you drive? Would you get arrested? Get a DUI? What about the people who care about you? What would they think when they find out? How would you feel if you have to continue to lie to them and tell them you didn't drink? And any other questions you can think of. Can you think of a REALLY good outcome, other than getting loaded? Which really isn't good at all, when playing the whole thing through.
Ride that storm out and get to some meetings. If you can't get to meetings, come to an online one here at SR. I believe there is one tonight. I might be there. I dunno what time I plan on going to work. LOL. Sometimes it's late, sometimes it's early. I am a cleaning lady and as long as it's after 5 PM, they don't care what time I come.
Anyway, it's very important, in early recovery, to seek as much face to face help and support as you can. We cannot do it alone. :ghug3
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Old 05-06-2009, 11:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Relief View Post
Hi all,

I have some questions about this sobriety stuff. Today is day 12 . . .

It's been quite a struggle about 3/4's of the time. I didn't expect the process to be such an emotional and mental challenge. I think about drinking, or not drinking, almost every waking minute. Is this normal? It's like my brain is obsessed. I was not like that while drinking. If I felt like drinking, I drank and that was the end of it. I even dream about drinking

Also, I have been "fantasizing" (best way I know how to describe it) about drinking. And, the fantasy is very difficult to clear from my head. For instance, Sunday I went to two aa meetings and went running twice before I was able to clear my mind and stop fantasizing about drinking. Is this normal?

Next, I find myself very irritable. I feel the urge to lash out and fly off the handle over almost anything. Is this normal?

Finally, if all of this is fairly routine, when does it end? This drunk is running out of steam and is starting to think I was happier drunk. I attend aa everyday. I share, I listen . . . what else could I do?
Hey, I have the same amount of sober time as you...if you'd like read my post from yesterday...I'm going through the same thing.
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Old 05-06-2009, 11:07 AM
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Hi Relief,

Welcome. All of the above is very normal and expected. No one said this was going to be easy. The glorifing is hard to get over especially if you were hurting no one but yourself. It is so easy to forget the bad and remember the good. We sort of have to force ourselves to remember the bad (the reason why we needed to quit). You are going to meetings which is great. I don't go to AA but inspite of that made it so far (almost 10 months which makes me relatively new also) I don't go to AA for personal reasons but I hear it is much easier and you will be more happy in your sobriety for attending AA. Good luck and you will get alot of encouragement and idea here as well as AA. This site has been a godsend to me. I think the key is to discuss the situation with people who have been through what you are dealing with now. In our society drinking is such a big part of it and it seems like everyone does it.

Also I would reccomend "under the Influence" there are alot of excerpts on this site. It really does explain this disease in layman terms.
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Old 05-06-2009, 11:19 AM
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Welcome.

Yes it's normal to feel total discomfort in the beginning of changing our lives. It's hard, sometimes, I too have thought it was easier drinking, but that's not really true. Drinking brought us here, which means it had caused so much disscomfort that we came here seeking a way to stop the insanity. Now, we have to stick around till the discomfort fades and we are on our way to discovering how to enjoy life without the booze. That takes time, so stick with it.
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Old 05-06-2009, 11:31 AM
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Thanks everyone

I am in the process of trying to accept these uncomfortable cravings/feelings/thoughts. However, they are so strong they often trample the positive progress I have made.

My personality desires instant gratification, so of course, I thought I would be well on my way to forgetting about alcohol all together by now. That's frustrating and humbling at the same time.

I hear this term "dry drunk" sometimes at aa. I am not exactly sure what it means, but I am starting to guess it's similar to my current emotions. I am a 12 day dry drunk I guess .

One more thing, I don't have an aa sponsor yet. Should I have one by now? Honestly, I never thought I would still be going to aa because I have MAJOR hang-ups with the God/Higher Power concept is so vital to the program. Due to my hesitant stance, I have avoided getting a sponsor (despite several members strongly encouraging me to do so).
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Old 05-06-2009, 11:41 AM
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Good to see you again....

Please read this link for info....

Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center

I feel my recovery became solid when
I started my AA Steps....

Well done on your sober time
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Old 05-06-2009, 11:50 AM
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Originally Posted by Relief View Post
One more thing, I don't have an aa sponsor yet. Should I have one by now?
No, you should have had one 12 days ago. I'm joking. It's hard when you first come in. Hell, it's always hard. If overcoming alcoholism were easy, there wouldn't be any alcoholics.

The fact is, Relief, that most never get a sponsor and take the steps required. And most go back out, and come back in, and cycle through this miserable existence of a little sober time, relapse, sober, never recovering and always on the edge of drinking.

Be unique, Relief. Say that 12 days of misery is enough and take the action that promises to end this nightmare.
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Old 05-06-2009, 12:16 PM
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1) "...I find myself very irritable. I feel the urge to lash out and fly off the handle over almost anything. Is this normal?..."

2) "...Finally, if all of this is fairly routine, when does it end? This drunk is running out of steam and is starting to think I was happier drunk. I attend aa everyday. I share, I listen . . . what else could I do?..."

3) "...One more thing, I don't have an aa sponsor yet. Should I have one by now? Honestly, I never thought I would still be going to aa because I have MAJOR hang-ups with the God/Higher Power concept is so vital to the program. Due to my hesitant stance, I have avoided getting a sponsor (despite several members strongly encouraging me to do so)..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OK....let me take these by the numbers...............:

1) In the AA Big Book it talks about why most alcoholics drink----that they like the effect produced by the alcohol----and that when the alcohol is taken away they seem to be restless, irritable, and discontented until they can regain that sense of ease and comfort that comes at once by taking a few drinks.....so, yes, at this point in your 'recovery'/'sobriety'/abstinence, I would say that all that you are feeling (going through) is absolutely normal.

If you have a BB, check out the chapter The Doctor's Opinion. Even if you don't have a BB, you can read this online.....the first 164 pages are available to read on AA's website.....: Alcoholics Anonymous : ........,.;

2) This one is really short 'n simple. When does this end....? You attend AA every day; you share; you listen;.......what else can you do.....? Since you didn't mention it, my suggestion would be.....: keep listening and find yourself someone to be your sponsor and get yourself into working the steps.....; and finally.........

3) Like I ended #2, yes, I would suggest you find yourself a sponsor and start working the steps; unless you want to stay at that restless, irritable, and discontented stage. There really is a difference (for most, that is) between just abstinence and sobriety (freedom from alcohol)/recovery, and for most, working the steps (or at least some new design for living) is the answer.

....and don't worry about the 'God/HP thang' ....recovering in what I like to call my little corner of the Bible belt, I got a lot of 'get God or get drunk' shouted at me, in my face, but I found an atheist sponsor, and I recovered, sans the God of anybody's conception. It can be done, my friend, and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. In fact, most of my f2f recovery buddies are atheist/agnostics, and they are all clean/sober; happy, joyous, and free; clean and serene.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, relief, it's all up to you. Congrats on your 12 days; that is a major accomplishment, but I guarantee that if you continue your abstinence, and add some steps into the mix, that you will see good changes in your life....perhaps not right away, but they are out there, and you'll get there; just keep on trudgin the road of happy destiny....... (o:


NoelleR
DOS: 6/23/86
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Old 05-06-2009, 12:28 PM
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Cool a wee P.S.

Whoops.....I forgot......

If the God/HP hang-up is still bothersome for you, there are two forums here on SR that you might want to check out......: Secular Connections and Secular 12 Step Recovery.... (o:

NoelleR
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Old 05-07-2009, 10:39 PM
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Yes, very normal for these things to occur early in recovery. It's called withdrawl and it may take awhile for your body to completely clear itself of the cravings for it. Relax, your doing fine (even though it may seem like it isn't). Your mental obsession with alcohol is the result of your alcoholism and will get better in time. If you keep going to meetings, get a sponsor & a Homegroup, and keep doing the next right thing; the desire to drink will be lifted. Reading the Big Book may help to give you helpful insight as to the nature of Alcoholics Anonymous. i stongly encourage you to get a copy of a little book called Living Sober. It is written very simply and easy to understand. Another good one is As Bill Sees It. This is a book of meditations from the lifelong experiences of Bill W.

Congratulations on staying sober another day and remember, Easy Does It!!
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Old 05-07-2009, 11:02 PM
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Relief,

I think you're about at the exact stage as myself; I think I'm 13 days sober today; or there abouts, I'd have to check the calander to be sure.

But I feel exactly the same as yourself; EXACTLY. Your original post could've been typed by myself.

The only way I'm coping with it is by attending 3 AA meetings a week. I'd attend more, but I have a family and work commitments.

It's 7.00 am here, I've been awake since 5.00 am and all I'm thinking about is drink! Hence I'm on this site for a bit of encouragement.

Take care and stick at it.

Regards,

Tosh
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Old 05-08-2009, 04:33 AM
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I could not believe how horrible I felt a lot of the time during my first year. Rage-a-holic to the max! I was done with the steps around six months, but I still struggled with depression, blood sugar ups and downs, sleep disturbances, fatigue. During those times I tried to give myself a break, not beat myself up if I needed a little extra sleep or to take a walk at 2pm in the afternoon during the work day, or leave to go to a noon meeting to get my head on straight. I found I was making it ten times worse with my, "I SHOULDN'T BE FEELING THIS WAY!!!" mental loop.

Today I cannot believe that I DON'T feel that way anymore. It just keeps getting better and better.
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Old 05-08-2009, 06:14 PM
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Relief,

I am on Day 19 and felt exactly as you described until a couple of days ago. It's somewhat better now, but a long way from "normal" or at least calmer. And it changes during the day: I feel OK then I fell like crap, repeat. So you are right on schedule.

Stay close to SR or go to meetings. But try to have at least one support group. SR has helped me tremendously so far!

Good luck,
OB
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Old 05-08-2009, 08:21 PM
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Step 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
Much of my early sobriety was all about drilling Step 1 into my brain. From previous attempts at sobriety, "I'll never drink again" turns into feeling a bit better which turns into "it wasn't that bad" and then the beer starts to look good again. I had to approach the steps with great urgency.

I just can't rationalize drinking anymore = no more fantasy.

Meetings, read the Big Book, get a sponsor, start the steps. The sooner you get to work, the sooner you will find peace.

With respect to your issue with God/Higher Power, just try to keep an open mind and don't overcomplicate it. My first HP was my late father (I would get strength from my memories of him) and my kids (their unconditional love - I will do anything for them) - it's all about finding something that gives you more strength than you have on your own (self-will). It could be right in front of you.

Hope this helps.



BB quote from the first ed. of the BB.
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Old 05-08-2009, 08:44 PM
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It's not easy but it's pretty normal. I found some relief towards the end of the first month, at first for short periods, then gradually for longer and longer periods at a time. I'd really only use the 'dry drunk' description with someone who has been sober for a few months and hasn't really made any progress adjusting.

It really is why we say to take it day by day, and to break down into smaller bits what we wish to accomplish. It's a process of re-education and relearning - physically, mentally and spiritually. That all takes a bit of time to sort out so it's normal to also feel emotionally up and down or all over the place and irritable at times.

Take care and don't overwhelm yourself. I spent a lot of time in the first few weeks wanting everything now, questioning over and over again. It's best to take the early phases of recovery one small step at a time. There are lots of big questions and issues you can go through later when your thoughts are calmer and clearer.
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Old 05-10-2009, 01:58 PM
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What you're going through is normal. It'll get better as time goes on. Keep going to the AA meetings, get a sponsor, and work the steps. You're off to a good start and are going through something we've all experienced.

The term "dry drunk" refers to someone who doesn't drink but who does not participate in the AA program. I HATE that term, particularly since it's usually used in a disparaging manner. I particularly HATE the term when I hear a counselor or therapist use it. Hey! If an alcoholic quits drinkling without AA, so what? A lot of people fall into this category. AA doesn't work for everyone. It saved my life but I can only speak for myself. I'm not going to look down on someone who never joined AA.

And as a bit of history as I end my rant here, the term originally began when referring to people with Wernikie-Karsakoff syndrome. (look it up) Also known as "wet brain". These people stumble around and slur their words as is they're drunk but they're not. It's a permanent condition caused by a Thiamin deficiency resulting from consuming way too much alcohol. And being placed in a mental institution for the rest of their lives is the only solution. So think about that if you need a little motivation to stop drinking.
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Old 05-10-2009, 02:13 PM
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Good for you relief on 12 days! Yep like the others have sound you sound pretty dang normal to me. I found substituting the alcohol with something else very beneficial. I substituted with M&M's and the 30 pounds I gained may not have been all that great it was still better than the tons of excess "weight" I was carrying made up of guilt/shame/deceit etc by drinking all the time. Be good to yourself, reward yourself for getting through the day and not drinking. It does get easier.

Judy
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