Such clarity this morning~thank you all
Thank all of your for responding to my post yesterday. I received sooo much ESH that I felt completely blessed by it all.
Alot of it applied to me and my situation, and after having thought a lot about it the past few days I have really been able to put some clarity on it and it has helped me to feel better about where I am in all of it.
What I had to do first was allow myself to think about the entire situation-not something I enjoy doing anymore. I had to realize first and foremost that I was a volunteer NOT a victem. I went back REPEATEDLY to him, hoping for a different outcome (talk about insanity), I tried to force solutions over and over again. Secondly I realized that I truly believe that HP has a plan for each of us and that nothing happens in His world by accident....It is all part of His plan. That being said~there really is nothing to forgive. Forgiveness implys wrong doing on someone's part. I can choose to believe that all of this good and bad is/was part of HP's plan for me and that EXABF and his actions were also part of that plan.....I can then find some compassion for him and gratitude for my HP always having my back. I also realized that a LOT of the anger I feel is at myself, not at him. (Thanks Tricia). I let him into our lives, I went against my firm belief that I would NEVER AGAIN be involved with an A, I made a lot of mistakes and ill time decisions. This part of the anger I am going to need a bit more time to work through. I know I'm not ready to run into EXABF in the street anytime soon, and I dread the day that I might have to/accidently face him again, but that is in the future, and I am in today. All of the insight has helped me get to a place where I FINALLY feel like I can let go of some of my junk and move forward in my program and my life.
So I wanted to come here this am, and thank you all for all your help. Sometimes just getting input, ESH, can provide sooooooo much insight into our problems and I faced today with a new clarity that I haven't had it a while, so thank you all for that.
Thanks for letting me share......
living in the now