Hi,
Bernadette makes a great point. Being with an A has nothing to do with intelligence or having a soft heart. It is totally about choices and what you will and will not put up with. I too struggle with this and have called myself horrible names that I don't deserve. My therapist called me out on this.
No one here is stupid for being with an A. It is frustrating and some learn faster than others while many never change their mindset.
Personally, now I think that staying in an abusive situation has more to do with not putting your needs first in this world. That doesn't mean being selfish, but it means taking care of yourself before you can be with another. I think a LOT of people look for relationships to define themselves or "make" them feel whole. Maybe it does in the short term, but expereince lead me to figure out that relationships are add ons, not primary to life (struggling with this too).
Miss