SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

05-06-2009, 10:54 AM

# 2 (permalink)

CrackQuack

Member

Join Date: Mar 2009

Location: Dayton, OH.

Posts: 879

Quote:

Originally Posted by Relief

Hi all,

I have some questions about this sobriety stuff. Today is day 12 . . .

It's been quite a struggle about 3/4's of the time. I didn't expect the process to be such an emotional and mental challenge. I think about drinking, or not drinking, almost every waking minute. Is this normal? It's like my brain is obsessed. I was not like that while drinking. If I felt like drinking, I drank and that was the end of it. I even dream about drinking

Also, I have been "fantasizing" (best way I know how to describe it) about drinking. And, the fantasy is very difficult to clear from my head. For instance, Sunday I went to two aa meetings and went running twice before I was able to clear my mind and stop fantasizing about drinking. Is this normal?

Next, I find myself very irritable. I feel the urge to lash out and fly off the handle over almost anything. Is this normal?

Finally, if all of this is fairly routine, when does it end? This drunk is running out of steam and is starting to think I was happier drunk. I attend aa everyday. I share, I listen . . . what else could I do?

Do you go to meetings? If not, I highly recommend an AA or NA meeting every day! It's something to do, something to keep you busy, and full of people in the very same boat you are in, some in a different boat now, but they will relate and remember when they, too, went through the same thing.
My first two attempts at staying clean, I dreamed about smoking crack. I fantasized about it. I thought about it day and night. 93 days in to being clean, I don't have the dreams so much, but when that female time comes, yeah, I did fantasize it. Even caught myself trying to remember how I loaded the pipe, how I held it.. All that yucky, triggering ****. I wanted it. Now, that the time of the month is almost over, I feel much better. It's like ahhhhh, much better. No cravings.
Point is, get yourself to some meetings. Face to face, making some friends, getting phone numbers, listen to what other addicts have to say. Look for the similarities. Just because they may have a different drug of choice doesn't make their addiction any better or less than your own. Our journey's will differ, but the addiction is the same, and there will be many who can relate to you. Many here, like myself, can relate as well. The first true month, for me (where I didn't substitute), was rough. I didn't have as much obsession over using as I did withdrawals, but, like I said, I just went through a few days of being obsessing about using. One point, I won't lie, I picked up the phone. I had 40 bucks in my pocket. I thought, a little won't hurt..
Then I told myself to play the tape all the way through. Which means to think the whole situation through. Would I really stop at 40 bucks of crack? Would things really be alright? Would I still go to work or would I concentrate on getting high? What would happen to my clean date if I went and got that 40? What would happen to me if the cops pulled me over with a felony in my bra? What would happen if something, during the deal, went wrong and I got shot or ripped off? I played all the possible scenarios, in my head, and none of them turned out good and I knew that "just a 40" would indeed HURT. It wasn't worth losing my clean date, upsetting my loved ones, possibly getting arrested, killed, or losing my job over. NO drug is worth any of those things, including alcohol.
So play the tape through. Would you stop at having one drink? Would you stop at 2? What happens if you don't and you drive? Would you get arrested? Get a DUI? What about the people who care about you? What would they think when they find out? How would you feel if you have to continue to lie to them and tell them you didn't drink? And any other questions you can think of. Can you think of a REALLY good outcome, other than getting loaded? Which really isn't good at all, when playing the whole thing through.
Ride that storm out and get to some meetings. If you can't get to meetings, come to an online one here at SR. I believe there is one tonight. I might be there. I dunno what time I plan on going to work. LOL. Sometimes it's late, sometimes it's early. I am a cleaning lady and as long as it's after 5 PM, they don't care what time I come.
Anyway, it's very important, in early recovery, to seek as much face to face help and support as you can. We cannot do it alone. :ghug3