I think just noticing that cycle is a huge step. Once we can spot those trends and consciously realize what is happening both with them and us is when we can start to make a real decision on whether or not to stay or leave. when you're in these cycles and one leaves in the midst of drama they never seem to stay gone - in fact sometimes i felt the drama started from ex just for a reason to leave for a few days. But inevitably it wont stop until you decide not to play anymore - what that will take only you can tell but i can assure you that you will know when you've had enough. they wont typically stop the cycle on their own.
My son's AD was like this - we were were on and off for about 5 years - fighting, making up over and over again until i finally said no more. I didnt see him for 10 years once i said no more. 10 years later, he's finally met his son but has no real relationship with him. He had a gf when they met - she was a lot like many of us codies on here but they broke up a couple of months ago. Believe it or not, even after all this time, he is trying to get me back into his circle. Even after all these years i have those fleeting thoughts of thinking maybe he grew up and maybe it would be different and then i laugh and realize nothing has changed and never will with him. So now he asks and i say no. I know that really what he wants is another woman to fill that need, take care of him and help him continue his addiction - he sees me as one of those women that will fit that role but too late for that and i'm worth so much more than that. he's just lost and i see no hope for him ever having any sort of real life if i allowed myself to be involved with him then i'd be just as lost as him. At some point you realize that you'd rather be alone then be involved with addiction.