moongirl

Oh yeah I know what this is like. It seems I'm attracted to men who always have something else in their life more important than me, and it drives me crazy because I know if they had a choice, they wouldn't choose me. My first boyfriend was a crack addict, my second boyfriend was addicted to computer games and told me they were more important to him than anything in the world, and he also had an illegitimate kid from an ex-girlfriend that he couldn't see and was still full of hatred and resentment about that so he couldn't really move on from it, and my third boyfriend had a kid who he was practically obsessed with and always ignored me and neglected me whenever his kid was around, which was a LOT and constantly found ways to remind me and rub it in my face that his kid was more important than me. I've never been with someone who put me FIRST. Not even my own parents!

My dad was a workaholic. My parents were divorced and we only saw him every other weekend but he was always really critical of me, always made me feel I couldn't do anything right. Apparently, my sister and I recently found out, our mother was going to abandon us when we were little. She was an alcoholic and she was going to turn over full custody to our father. Before I was born they separated for a year and she did leave my sister with our father. Then they got back together and got pregnant with me right away and then divorced after I was born.

Anyways, this is long, but I have never felt secure in a relationship! I don't know if it's because I choose men who are already too committed to something or somebody else, or if it's just something about me. But it sucks! All I want is to fall in love and to feel secure that the man loves me and only me and will always love me. I have never felt this way, and I'm beginning to doubt I ever will.