It's scary not to continue to shelter and protect...it's very, very scary. The only way I could stop was to realize that I could be loving them to death. I would rather feel scared than do that. I had to learn to put faith in a higher power to be able to stop enabling.
I remember an illustration at a family session I went to. The counselor showed a series of holes along a road, each getting deeper and deeper...But then she showed how as an enabling parent, i would fill those holes in and stop my child from hitting the bottom. Filling in meant my child was able to progress deeper and deeper into the disease without the pain of facing consequences. It meant making the real bottom so much deeper than it had to be. My enabling would actually prolong active addiction.
Hugs. I'm so glad you decided to seek out a meeting and come here for support.