Joane,
Laurie is right, as painful as it is to detach. As a parent I know exactly how you feel. When I think back on the Wester Union Moneygrams I would send my son so he could get a 'shelter' for a few nights, or money for some food, -it made my feel better, but he got drugs from it.
I stopped, as hard as it was...nothing for him. Now after 4 years he's back in a program...hopefully this path will be good for him. But he got himself into the program without help from me.
Laurie said "We become so use to riding the Roller Coaster that we do not know any other way to live". That's so true. I know that just being in the middle of a chaotic situation would sometimes feel better than doing nothing at all.
Do I still have bad day? Sometimes. Do they occur as often? No.
But I agree with you that it all sucks. Do I still sometimes mourn
for life he didn't chose? Yes. But I have to believe there is some reason for the journey he's traveling. (sometime I hope to find out)
Please take care of yourself. There are some very wise people here. I learn more every day.