My problem is I'm still giving him money (to pay for a bed & locker at the shelter, to get a meal here or there, to help w/bus fare, etc.) and that stress is what takes a toll on me.
You're right that is a BIG PROBLEM, you are STILL ENABLING. Sweetie, you do not have to give him one thin dime. He will find the money, even if it means selling his plasma. He still knows "mommy" will help him if he 'whines' and QUACKS loud enough.
Remember, he is not 8 years old. He is an ADULT and these are just some of the CONSEQUENCES of his actions.
(05/04 Alcohol/Drug assessment 2nd appt., 05/13 Neuropsych assessment, 06/08 Omnibus hearing (pretrial hearing to determine admissibility of evidence) for 1 count of theft by swindle (for taking my car & trying to sell it) that maybe "something" will happen. But the "next" appt. doesn't seem to get the results "I want"!!! (I know,
No, and the next one after that, and after that, and after that. You want him 'well' and you want it now. AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.
Sad to say, Joan, but you are PROLONGING HIS BOTTOM.
I know there are parents here that are NOT enabling. I'm wondering how??? I feel like I have to go into hiding or move out of state to be able to break the connection.
It does not matter, if it is a son, daughter, husband, wife, parent or sibling. Each one of us STOPS enabling, when ...............................................
the FEAR of continuing to enable is less than the FEAR of stopping.
When you are sick and tired of working 2 jobs, and still not having 2 nickels to rub together because 'sonny boy' is still SUCKING YOU DRY is when you will stop.
You know, I learned a simple "Priority List" when I got sober. It has held me in very good stead in my recovery from addiction and my recovery from being a Codie.
HP first
Then MYSELF,
Then, ................ those around me in order of importance to me.
Looks to me like you have your SON first and thus your life is TOPSY TURVY.
Your son is an addict. He is a Con Man. He is a Manipulator (especially of mom). He is a SURVIVOR. He will survive, without your giving him money.
I also suspect that part of this continuing to give him money is so you do KNOW where he is what he is doing, etc and you can continue to live in the chaos and drama. We become so use to riding the Roller Coaster that we do not know any other way to live.
Maybe less contact with him and more contact with your AlAnon friends and more meetings will help you.
You know you can call anytime sweetie. Please leave your son to HP.
J M H O
Love and hugs,