To begin, so very sorry for what is happening in your life. Your history of posts have been empowering for so many and you have touched so many lives, including mine... and I'm no chimp, my friend. But oh my, how empowering to have been granted your personal validation.
The disease of addiction is indeed cunning, baffling, and powerful. And for me and in my situation, I have lived the psychological and emotional pain wrought by the unknown... the wondering without validation/affirmation. In fact, I believe the greatest toil wrought upon family members/loved ones is the loss of trust/security in our own thinking. I know for me anyway, this is the greatest measure of recovery... to be able to self-actualize and live within our own value systems, despite the seemingly unending 'effects' of addiction. It is so very true that, "The truth shall set you free."
Even greater, however, is when I can acheive serenity, peace, and confidence in the absence of truth... and when living or having parted from an addict, we may never be granted the grace of truth. It is acceptance, without affirmation that may be most difficult. When the disease, "... loses it's power to dominate our thoughts and our lives.", in the absence of truth is when we have most combatted the effects of addiction. Sometimes, in a Higher Powers time, we may be offered the truth that ultimately frees us... but I'm glad such freedom is still available without getting what I want, right now. Thank you for demonstrating that freedom.
Thank you for your spiritual strength and thank you for sharing it so vulnerably. I will pray your path becomes easier to walk, granted you now have the affirmation so many seek.
With or without the truth, "Fill each minute with 60 seconds of distance run."
Many Blessings,
Shaman