Perhaps there was still a lurking notion in the back of your mind that you could control alcohol? That this time would be different?
Maybe review your step work with this new experience in mind. Could be that you needed this last failure to convince yourself once and for all that alcohol is a dead-end. If this was the case, it may have been something you needed to experience and can be used as a positive. There is no shame in this.
All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.
My experience.
BB quote from the 1st edition of the BB.