((Krhea))
First of all, I don't think you're pathetic..you're a mom who wants the best for her son.
Secondly, he doesn't hate you. I'll just say that, at one time or another, "F you" has been said by me or another member of my family and even though it was definitely inappropriate, not a one of us hated each other. As we've worked on boundaries, that is something that is not said any more.
It sounds, to me, like your son is still learning some lessons. I could be wrong, but I agree with Freedom...I'd think there is a bit more jail time in his future for another probation violation, or possibly rehab/treatment. If your court system is anything like ours, though, it could take some time to get to him.
In the meantime, I strongly suggest detachment and working on your recovery, while he does his thing. I know you don't like not hearing from him, but I actually kept my distance INTENTIONALLY from my family when I was using. Part of it was selfish (I didn't want to be made to feel guilty), but part of it also was not wanting to drag them down with me. Just a little insight into the twisted mind of an addict.
Keep taking care of you, hon. At some point, he'll realize that taking care of him and getting into recovery is a good thing, and he will look to you as that calm, sane role model.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy