Originally Posted by
Impurrfect 
(((Patrick)))
Welcome to SR. Your story is very familiar to mine. I was an RN, absolutely LOVED my job. I became addicted to opiates. I "almost" got caught..managed not to, a couple of times. The last time, scared me enough that I quit the opiates, got into meetings, but obviously had not hit my bottom or accepted that I was not through trying to numb myself.
I got another job, hadn't lost my license, yet, when someone introduced me to crack and it was downhill from there.
Not to hijack your thread, but if I had stopped when I first was in trouble at work, gotten honest with myself, and put my heart into recovery, I would still be an RN. I'm not, I'm waiting tables. I can still GET my license back, but there are a ton of hoops to jump through.
I have 2 years clean, but I went a long way from where you are now, to when I hit bottom. I truly hope you don't follow my path. Mine included jail, homelessness and a few other unsavory details....all in an effort to get high.
Nursing was my life, and I thought NOTHING could ever take me away from it. Don't think your love of firefighting is stronger than addiction, because it's not.
Despite the fact that I'm not a nurse any more, I am looking into other avenues to use my background, back in school, and I am a much happier person, now that I am 2 years into recovery. Try it...it's very much worth it.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Amy THANK YOU!, this is what I need to hear. I know I have no where to go but down. I have tears running down my face now because I can see myself in your story. I have been close to homeless, addicted to crack, and worked hard to get out. I worked to get where I am at today and I am at the point where I could lose it all, and for what? MORE PAIN AND SUFFERING, more looking in the mirror and not liking who I see.
I have everything I want in my life but I still want to have my cake and eat it too, I used to live by the motto that "If you aren't living on the edge you are taking up too much space" but I think I want to step back from the cliff and keep everything I have before I have nothing. The edge isn't so good when you fall off it.