Jessie1

I've been drinking on and off (pretty heavily if I admit it) since I was about 21, I’m 28 now.

It used to be the odd bottle of wine at my ex boyfriend’s house on a Friday night, and a few drinks in the pub on a Thursday and a Saturday night.

My fiancé is more or less tee total, he only drinks on a proper night out and although he likes to have a good time, he can only manage a few of pints.

When we met, I was drinking a couple of bottles of wine several nights a week, but I was really unhappy with my ex (no excuse I know) and I can’t believe how I held down a job at the time.

In the first year of being with my fiancé, I’d only drink when we went out.

Then I slipped a bit and would start buying wine to drink at home, but nothing too bad.

Then I got a new job, knocked the drinking in the week on the head almost completely, but slowly fell back into it.

To give you an idea; I’ve drunk for the past four evenings. On average, a bottle and a half of wine a night, maybe a bit more. I don’t drink when my fiancé’s son is here, but that’s only two nights a week.

Up until recently, I didn’t drink if I was on an early shift at work the next day but I’m also failing on that most weeks. I’m even making the rotas at work mean that I work an early the morning after my fiancé’s son stays over, so I can work later in the day after the nights I can drink.

I know it’s getting out of hand. I joined another alcohol website several years back, when I was with my ex and I couldn’t wait to get home to have a drink.

We even went to an AA New Years Party (he was working there, not by my choice), and I had a bottle of wine in the car for on the way home.

It’s not quite like that now, but I can see things are getting out of hand again. My fiancé doesn’t often say much about my drinking, he will comment a couple of times a week though that I’m drunk or my eyes have gone all “piggy and small”. On occasion we do fall out about it.

I’m not often really drunk, a bit tipsy maybe. I don’t fall over or anything. Doesn’t make it any better, I know.

I feel bored if I don’t drink in the evening. I don’t get shaky or sick, though sometimes I do have a bit of a headache the next day. I suppose I just want someone to tell me what I should do.