Originally Posted by
JustMeInWI 
*hugs* Hi Hap,
I've been where you are. I know how much this hurts. I know how this consumes your thoughts, your emotions, your life. One thing I had to accept before I could decide anything for me was that the Dr. Jekyl and the Mr. Hyde in my AH were the SAME PERSON. I couldn't choose just one. If I wanted one, I got the other along with him. It is the same with your wife. And it is a decision only YOU can make for YOU. What matters more to you? Losing the sober version? Or losing the drunk version? A quote I've seen many times on this forum (and repeated to myself many times) was, "When the pain of staying the same is greater than the fear of changing--then you will change. And yes, you will know when you reach that point."
Thinking of you as you live one day at a time through this experience,
JustMe
For me this nails it
I contorted myself emotionally until I was a pretzel trying to "make it work" and "work through" that "other part" of her, with her full support I may add.
I finally just realized it wasn't "a part" of her, it was part of the package.
What you see is what you get, if you can be happy with her periodically acting out, making scenes in restaurants, cheating on you, binging, etc. by all means stay with her, but if you can't you may need to reassess.
I said here recently any "life plan" I have that is based on someone else changing has always failed miserably.
every. single. time.
Can you take her for how and who she is warts and all? Because that's what you have, trying to convince yourself otherwise is what's "clouding" your thinking. She is not going to change Hap, that's just how that is.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tionships.html