[QUOTE=winnie12;2183252]
After speaking for a while she asked me if i knew what codependancy meant. Well of course i do - its about trying to control other people. She said no - its when you do not have your own identity. When you do not have your own identity your self-image becomes immeshed with other peoples identities. You then live through them so what they do ends up having a direct effect on you. If they do good/so do you, if they mess up/so do you - when they feel pain/so do you - you are afraid they will die because you will too. You are not a seperate person because you dont know who you are.IQUOTE]
Winnie hon, that pastor is 100% correct.... it is exactly what my therapist has said to me as well.
One can develop this, during a time where weakness comes into your soul somehow.... (which directly coincides when we allow negative/unhealthy people into our world).
It's the whole theroy that you attract what you are.. (in some fashion) and then the madness begins....
I have always felt like I didn't need to control the abf, however, I ALWAYS felt that if he didn't get better, or if he left, or if other people wondered what happend with us during a breakup, that somehow it was a reflection on ME!! that is exactly what co-dependancy is.
Since I've been back to school this semester, it's finally starting to change. I don't have the same need to control, nor do I have the same 'worry' tendencies regarding him our our relationship. (do i 'worry' because I love him) yes and I always will---- but it no longer is a reflection on what kind of woman I am, and boy that takes a load off your shoulders.
Are there days that it creeps up- sure, but that is just the beauty of growing and learning.... good days/ bad days.
I pray for you and your son.
You are an amazeing person, who has brought smiles/ and good tears to my eyes many many times. You have always been supporting and loveing. I pray that your baby is ok. and I pray that you keep looking for 'winnie' and that when you find her (outside of being a mom, sister, supporter, etc) that you will have the peace you so much deserve.
Love,
Cess
