Thanks so much Winnie...I too do not believe it was coincidence.
I think this is a big part of why we talk about focusing on ourselves. As codependents, we are so intwined in living life through others, we don't know how to untangle. As we start to do little things for ourselves, we begin to learn about who we are and what we like and dislike.
I really like how she explained her view that this isn't to learn "tough love." (a term I just do not like at all...To me it sends the wrong message completely. It is not what my recovery is about and I don't need to be mean or cold or tough to be working recovery.) Once we discover ourselves and are true to ourselves, we know who we are and we are strong in our sense of self...there's no need to be tough about it...It just is. Hugs, thanks so much for this post.