I understand numb. Last year my daughter would run at the slightest thing. Usually, the issues weren't worthy of the reaction. Most times, I wasn't even angry just asking her where she went or who she was with. She would bolt and I wouldn't see her for days. The last time, I was numb. I was tired of the worry, the sleepless nights, and I didn't care anymore. I even wondered if it would be easier if she was dead. Then it would be final and I could deal with it and move forward. It seemed easier. She called or my husband called her, I spoke with her and it was obvious to her that I was 'done'. She was sobbing and asked how I would feel if I no longer knew where she was, I responded that I owuld be sad but had a life and would move on. I told her that there was more to my life than her. She asked how I would feel if I never saw her again. She received the same reply. Then she asked how I would feel if she committed suicide. I told her "good luck with that" and hung up. She came home hours later and never ran again. She had perviously threated suicide and it always got a huge response from me.
The point is. I was numb. She was on her own and I felt completely at peace. Her behavior was not mine to control. Her choices were her choices. She got the message and it has been better since. She checked herself into rehab, came home, relapsed, went back to rehab, and is now in an SLE. She just started her new job, will be going to college in the Fall, and I am very proud of her. She still has things she needs to work on but they are her things, not mine. I hope her behavior continues but if it doesn't, these are her choices.