AS Ran Again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
AS Ran Again
Its 2 a.m. just got a call from rehab and my 16 yo AS has run from rehab again. He snuck out tonite with another kid. Police are looking for them but of course its doubtful they will find them. here we go again - it'll probably be days before he surfaces. Just saw him friday night and everything was good. I feel so numb right now. I dont even feel anything except anger because I thought we were heading in a good direction and later this week i was going to take some vacation and try to recoup - now yet again i'll be going through hell week not knowing where he is.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 101
Oh Winnie... I am so sorry! All I can offer is big cyber hugs right now.
Can you still take that vacation? I sure hope so, because you deserve and need it. Don't let this steal your joy. I know that's easier said than done, but I'm hoping when the initial shock wears off, you'll go back to taking care of YOU.
Mom hugs,
AquaBlue
:praying
Can you still take that vacation? I sure hope so, because you deserve and need it. Don't let this steal your joy. I know that's easier said than done, but I'm hoping when the initial shock wears off, you'll go back to taking care of YOU.
Mom hugs,
AquaBlue
:praying
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Awww,Winnie, it gets us every time no matter how much we think we are prepared for whatever comes our way. It's part of what shakes our trust,..things appear just fine and then this kind of thing happens.
My guess is that he'll show up soon, a little worse for the experience and hopefully a little wiser.
Take care of you, Winnie, and say prayers for him. Addiction is bigger than we are, bigger than a mother's love, but never bigger than God.
Hugs
My guess is that he'll show up soon, a little worse for the experience and hopefully a little wiser.
Take care of you, Winnie, and say prayers for him. Addiction is bigger than we are, bigger than a mother's love, but never bigger than God.
Hugs
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Winnie)))
awww, dammit! I'm so sorry. I know this is way more serious because of his diabetes. However, he still has an HP, sweetie, and his HP is always looking out for him.
I am sending lots and lots of prayers that you and your daughter can find some peace, as I know when you're worried, so is she. I'm also praying that he's picked up soon. Doesn't this mean that when he IS picked up, he goes to YDC or some type of locked-down facility?
I'd feel numb, too, hon. Our hearts can only take so much.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
awww, dammit! I'm so sorry. I know this is way more serious because of his diabetes. However, he still has an HP, sweetie, and his HP is always looking out for him.
I am sending lots and lots of prayers that you and your daughter can find some peace, as I know when you're worried, so is she. I'm also praying that he's picked up soon. Doesn't this mean that when he IS picked up, he goes to YDC or some type of locked-down facility?
I'd feel numb, too, hon. Our hearts can only take so much.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 584
Oh Winnie,
Darn, I am sorry. I was so hoping he got it this time. He will show up they always do, he just made things that much harder on himself. I know you must be a mess, I am just so sorry. I will be praying hard for you both today. Julie
Darn, I am sorry. I was so hoping he got it this time. He will show up they always do, he just made things that much harder on himself. I know you must be a mess, I am just so sorry. I will be praying hard for you both today. Julie
Clever Yak
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: ---
Posts: 4,360
Winnie 
Chances are he's gonna turn up. Addicts don't disappear, they go where the drugs are, therefore, cops should have no problem figuring out where he went off to. If I ever stayed out all night or whatever, trolling for drugs, I would always stay within probably 20 miles of my home... that may just be me though.
However, I'm asumming the worst, he may just be out for fun and not drugs... I wouldn't hold yourself to that hope though. Winnie, I wish so much better for you... positive thoughts heading your way.
-Jay
Chances are he's gonna turn up. Addicts don't disappear, they go where the drugs are, therefore, cops should have no problem figuring out where he went off to. If I ever stayed out all night or whatever, trolling for drugs, I would always stay within probably 20 miles of my home... that may just be me though.
However, I'm asumming the worst, he may just be out for fun and not drugs... I wouldn't hold yourself to that hope though. Winnie, I wish so much better for you... positive thoughts heading your way.
-Jay
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
i have a weird calm. I cant explain it but i dont feel the panic i did the last time. I think he'll hide better this time because he knows when he's caught he's going to go to be back in jail for a while. He has older friends who dont live at home so he's probably hiding at a friends house. Its also spring break this week for his school so lots of his friends will be partying this week. I dont feel like searching for him or making a million phone calls trying to find him. I was actually able to go back to sleep last night - granted i had terrible nightmares but i slept. This morning i'm going to work. I hate to say this but something in me is just dead now. The only thing i'm struggling with are a few cold thoughts that dont feel natural for a mom to think. I cant even post them because everytime i type them out i delete them. my daughter doesnt know yet - i'm going to let her sleep as long as she wants - give her as much time as possible to not worry. The phone calls will start soon - PO will be taking out a warrant, court counselor will be checking in, rehab will be telling me to come pick up his stuff, nurse will be trying to figure out if he stole meds to take with him - everyone will be in panic. Why dont i feel panic too? Is it possible that you just get to the point that you dont feel anything anymore? I dont think he gets it - I dont think he wants to stop and i'm not prepared to try to convince him anymore. Something bad is going to have to happen before he understands - the longer he is out there the more likely something bad will happen that will shake his world up. I pray he survives it but if he doesnt then there's nothing i could have done to stop it.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 584
Wendy,
It will be a roller coaster ride, for now you feel numb then the feeling will all come barreling back. I have been praying hard that your HP gives you calm and peace with whatever happens. I just feel so bad for you, your daughter and your son. He will be fine winnie, so please don't worry to much. ((((hugs))))
It will be a roller coaster ride, for now you feel numb then the feeling will all come barreling back. I have been praying hard that your HP gives you calm and peace with whatever happens. I just feel so bad for you, your daughter and your son. He will be fine winnie, so please don't worry to much. ((((hugs))))
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Aww Winnie - I'm so sorry the little turd is still putting you through this. You've done everything that you could possibly do. Hugs to you and your dd. I pray that you continue to find peace in middle of this storm.
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
Winnie I am so very sorry for what your going thru.
In your last post you wrote about feeling numb and having cold thoughts ..........yes it does come to that for many of us and that leads us back to our guilt, but you have no reason for guilt these thoughts and feelings even the lack of feelings are normal. These things are ways that we deal or cope with such a horrible disease
Trusting his Hp to take care of him is difficult but its all we have ..................try to breath try not to beat your self up your doing all you can .................and hey I personally think your recovery is showing ~~~I hear acceptance in your posts.
acceptance is an odd step for those of us who are so accustom to taking care of everything..............when we begin to accept that we cant take care of this acceptance begins
You and your son are in my thoughts.
((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))
In your last post you wrote about feeling numb and having cold thoughts ..........yes it does come to that for many of us and that leads us back to our guilt, but you have no reason for guilt these thoughts and feelings even the lack of feelings are normal. These things are ways that we deal or cope with such a horrible disease
Trusting his Hp to take care of him is difficult but its all we have ..................try to breath try not to beat your self up your doing all you can .................and hey I personally think your recovery is showing ~~~I hear acceptance in your posts.
acceptance is an odd step for those of us who are so accustom to taking care of everything..............when we begin to accept that we cant take care of this acceptance begins
You and your son are in my thoughts.
((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
(((winnie))) I just got so sad reading your post. I'm so sorry, sweetie, it's just heart breaking for us mom's. And yes I know those cold thoughts you have, that you can't post about, I've had them too!
I really hope you will take a couple of vacation days, perhaps you & your dd can go somewhere, away from the numbness & feelings of sadness.
I'm praying for you, your dd and for your son.
Also sending you many cyber hugs.
:ghug
chris
I really hope you will take a couple of vacation days, perhaps you & your dd can go somewhere, away from the numbness & feelings of sadness.
I'm praying for you, your dd and for your son.
Also sending you many cyber hugs.
:ghug
chris
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by winnie12 
i have a weird calm. I cant explain it but i dont feel the panic i did the last time. I think he'll hide better this time because he knows when he's caught he's going to go to be back in jail for a while. He has older friends who dont live at home so he's probably hiding at a friends house. Its also spring break this week for his school so lots of his friends will be partying this week. I dont feel like searching for him or making a million phone calls trying to find him. I was actually able to go back to sleep last night - granted i had terrible nightmares but i slept. This morning i'm going to work. I hate to say this but something in me is just dead now. The only thing i'm struggling with are a few cold thoughts that dont feel natural for a mom to think. I cant even post them because everytime i type them out i delete them. my daughter doesnt know yet - i'm going to let her sleep as long as she wants - give her as much time as possible to not worry. The phone calls will start soon - PO will be taking out a warrant, court counselor will be checking in, rehab will be telling me to come pick up his stuff, nurse will be trying to figure out if he stole meds to take with him - everyone will be in panic. Why dont i feel panic too? Is it possible that you just get to the point that you dont feel anything anymore? I dont think he gets it - I dont think he wants to stop and i'm not prepared to try to convince him anymore. Something bad is going to have to happen before he understands - the longer he is out there the more likely something bad will happen that will shake his world up. I pray he survives it but if he doesnt then there's nothing i could have done to stop it.
I think you're reached that point of total surrender, Winnie, that you know there's nothing you can do to change what he's going to do, hon.
Last night our meeting was on step 11, "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us, and the power to carry that out."
All of the people at the meeting there weren't around when I went through what I did when my youngest was 15 and ran off and I shared about prayer.
Everything that could go wrong during that time did, and all the resources that I had turned to had failed me, Winnie. I'd talk to my sponsor and even he would shake his head. But he'd tell me to pray, and trust God, and I'd just keep doing that, in spite of what was going on.
She spent 4 months in lockdown facilities. She ran the second night when they placed her in a group home. She was in a foster home for a year.
I can't count the nights that I cried, was so sick in my heart that I thought I would never survive.
Somewhere along the way I felt like you just described. I realized that what was going to be, was going to be, and my losing sleep, wringing my hands, driving myself crazy with swirling thoughts would have no bearing on events.
She's a beautiful young lady today, Winnie, almost 21. We've been through a lot together. She's matured. She works two jobs, makes her car payments, insurance payments, has trained her horse all by herself. She has goals in life. She's looking at a filly to purchase in the next few months.
All those months in lockdown and then in a very structured and caring foster home did make a difference.
Take care of you and your daughter. She needs you. I'll be keeping all of you in my prayers, hon. :ghug :ghug
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
His HP has him (((Winnie)))
I've made it through many a bad night with that thought.
He must need to learn something more, and as fate would have it, his chance to learn is now.
You have feared for some time that he would run...and now he has. And you are doing the next best thing, which at this time is going on with your day. For what its worth, you now "know" what you would do if "that thing you feared" happened.
The others will take care of the particulars of what happens next. You? Its out of your hands.
My prayers will be with your son, and that he gets a perfectly placed kick in the ass to lead him toward better choices.
And of course with you (((Winnie)))) that you find the peace you deserve.
I've made it through many a bad night with that thought.
He must need to learn something more, and as fate would have it, his chance to learn is now.
You have feared for some time that he would run...and now he has. And you are doing the next best thing, which at this time is going on with your day. For what its worth, you now "know" what you would do if "that thing you feared" happened.
The others will take care of the particulars of what happens next. You? Its out of your hands.
My prayers will be with your son, and that he gets a perfectly placed kick in the ass to lead him toward better choices.
And of course with you (((Winnie)))) that you find the peace you deserve.
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
:ghug2: :praying
Sending BIG hugs and prayers, your way, Winnie.
Praying for strength for you to get through the
events to come. Plan something fun for you and
your daughter on your days off. YOU both need and
deserve it.
Sending BIG hugs and prayers, your way, Winnie.
Praying for strength for you to get through the
events to come. Plan something fun for you and
your daughter on your days off. YOU both need and
deserve it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
Thank you all for your kind words and prayers. talked with my sis for a long time this morning and she said basically what all of you are saying here too. The calls have started and the nurse at rehab doesnt think he took insulin or diabetic supplies with him because it didnt seem like anything was missing. if he did take any its not much so he wont have too long to go before he is hitting critical stage. talked to another mom who is in drug court and our sons are friends - she suspects since its spring break he probably took off to Panama City because a lot of the kids were going down there.
I did ask her to put the word out that I'll drop off his meds with a friend. After we talked she asked if she could also get the word out that Mom's done, that i'm not looking for him and only dropping off the insulin because I dont want him to die. She felt he needed to know that everyone wasnt running around crazy in a panic over him anymore. I agreed with her and told her that was fine to say.
My daughter is going to hang out with a friend today which is good so she doesnt have to be around this today. Poor thing - when i told her she said Mom i'm just done with him - i have no faith left in him anymore. I agree with her I dont have anymore faith in him either. It is what it is and time will tell how this chapter ends. I ask for everyone's prayers that he stays safe and finally learns what he needs to learn and that my DD and I have some peace with whatever happens.
I did ask her to put the word out that I'll drop off his meds with a friend. After we talked she asked if she could also get the word out that Mom's done, that i'm not looking for him and only dropping off the insulin because I dont want him to die. She felt he needed to know that everyone wasnt running around crazy in a panic over him anymore. I agreed with her and told her that was fine to say.
My daughter is going to hang out with a friend today which is good so she doesnt have to be around this today. Poor thing - when i told her she said Mom i'm just done with him - i have no faith left in him anymore. I agree with her I dont have anymore faith in him either. It is what it is and time will tell how this chapter ends. I ask for everyone's prayers that he stays safe and finally learns what he needs to learn and that my DD and I have some peace with whatever happens.
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