Glad you didn't use! In the NA, I was told "If you're not done, you're not done." I spent from November '08 (when I went to my first meeting) until February '09 not being 100% sober. I know that deal. I'd smoke crack when it was offered to me for free, sneak in a crack binge when I figured no one was looking, or I'd drink or smoke pot. I'd substitute like crazy, and call myself clean to the others in the meetings. It took a lot, but I hadn't reached my point yet. I wasn't ready. I GOT ready in the beginning of February. I think you've taken a great step today and I really hope you continue on the path to true sobriety! It does feel great. Even on my bad days, I remember that I am clean and it can't rain all the time. LOL