Hi Lex-
My mom was an alcoholic too (she died last year--hence the was). As soon as I heard the clink of the ice cubes in the glass right around 5:00 p.m. (because she did not think it was right to drink before 5:00--HUH?) I knew the scotch was coming out of the cupboard and to hole up for the night and stay far away. She was not a warm and fuzzy drunk. My Dad traveled and was gone all week and would come home on Fridays. There was also physcial abuse between my mom and dad (both ways). Nice thing for a kid to watch.
I was fortunate because around 12 years old I had a friend and her parents knew about my mom's alcoholism (somehow) and they made sure I was not home on weekends. They took me on vacations with them. Once, I called my friend during the middle of the week because my mom was on the rampage and her mom came to the door, ignored my mom and took me to their house. I was lucky to have them and always considered them Mom and Dad. They taught me normal--but being around my mom the rest of the time turned me into the codie I am today. My first husband was a drunk and although he did not abuse me physically he abused me mentally. My current husband is an alcoholic and is addicted to marijuana. I had to laugh when I started the badgering about get treatment or I am out. He went to a counselor from the church and he told him he had "impulse control problems" and was not an alcoholic. He also told him his impulse control issues were due to peer pressure! He was 38 years old--give me a break peer pressure.
OK, got off track. Anyway, it took 5 years of individual therapy to start to heal from the damage my mom caused. She was also very abusive to me--although was not abusive to my 2 sisters (who left by the time she was in full swing) and my brother. It took a therapist who deals with abuse letting me know that abusers often will just pick one child to abuse for me to understand why she singled me out.
My older sister also went to therapy. I would say we are both fairly healthy. I think I will get healthier once I get myself to AlAnon. My brother is an alcoholic. My other sister is not an alcoholic but has all the codie behaviors that are unresolved. She has been married to man she despises for 20 years because she keeps thinking she can change him or has just decided it is easier to just ignore it.
When my mom died last year my older sister and I cried very hard. When we talked later we discovered that what we were really doing is releasing all the pain she had caused us over the years. She was gone and could not do any more damage. But we were also crying because we never really had a mother and it hurt to know we never would. Here we are grown adults wishing we had a mommy. Weird , huh?