Hi Lex! Wow! Good for you for finding this site! I had no idea where to turn when I was 19, trying to figure life out after 18 years living with an alcoholic mom!
I didn't even know, yet, how weird my situation was! Are you able to share anymore? Do you live with mom?
There were four of us kids... My brother was four years older than me. I had two younger sibs, sis 8 years younger and bro 9 years younger. My oldest brother prob took care of me quite a bit until high school, then he learned to get out... involved in sports, etc. I became caretaker of my younger sibs and my mom.
My mom, bless her... Alternated between lots of fun... good listener... and GONE. Sometimes for a week. Sometimes we had food and sometimes we had mayonaise and flour
She slept a lot and we had to be quiet or she would wake up INSANE. I still tiptoe through my very own house! Lots of strange guys in and out. Some were safe, some were not safe. All of my siblings and I have had our boundaries crossed in one way or another by her "friends." If we tried to tell her they weren't safe she would either ignore us or tell us how selfish we were... "such and such" is having a very hard time right now, you have no idea, and all you are thinking about is yourself. My friends thought my mom was very cool. They weren't there for the really bad times. We weren't allowed to have friends over during the really bad times. If a friend DID come over unannounced... we were in bad doo-doo. Weren't allowed to answer the phone or the door some/most of the time. Especially if it was grandma or auntie. Worried about us, no doubt. She went from crisis to crisis and I always felt sorry for her. I thought she really did have things worse than other people... she wouldn't drink if she had things easier. Raising us alone must be so hard for her... no wonder she drinks. Bleh.
I had to be much older to realize, everyone has difficulties and a lot of people stay sober through them. Healthy people don't need and would never expect their children to take care of them, forgive them over and over and over, cover for them, give them money, do without new shoes or clothes once in a while.
We have quite a family story of our way out of all this madness. And each of us children has stories of when we finally woke up... how growing up in this environment affected our friendships, relationships, choices and how we have been working on getting healthy. And we are getting healthy! There is HOPE! Woo Hoo! And HELP! Like these forums, Alateen, counselors, etc.
May I ask how YOU are doing?
~Jaime