Bartender hang in there, it will get better, the greatest thing I found out in AA was that I never HAVE to drink again unless I REALLY want to.
It sure sounds as though right now you have the honesty needed going on!!!
By going to AA you are showing an open mind and a willingness to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober!!
If you remember HOW and keep practicing it things will get better.
HOW
Honesty
Open mindness
Willingness