Honesty time...
Honesty time...
Well, its time to get honest and back to day one. I’ve been drinking for the last three days. I made it 19 months and 16 days this last time.
I saw this coming and I did nothing to stop it. There is little collateral damage to this relapse thank god, but my wife told me she hoped I have it out of my system for good this time. We didn’t fight and I just avoided her. My drunk mind thought that was a great strategy, because I can be pretty nasty to her when drinking. She told me my silence is worse.
I’ve got myself in a really bad mental spot right now. This has become a pattern. I get a year plus of sobriety and a part of my mind knows a binge is coming sooner or later.
I’m doing my best to stay positive, sober and learn from this today.
One thing I know is that seeking support before I allow myself to go drinking is something I need to do.
Thanks for hearing me.
Bill
I saw this coming and I did nothing to stop it. There is little collateral damage to this relapse thank god, but my wife told me she hoped I have it out of my system for good this time. We didn’t fight and I just avoided her. My drunk mind thought that was a great strategy, because I can be pretty nasty to her when drinking. She told me my silence is worse.
I’ve got myself in a really bad mental spot right now. This has become a pattern. I get a year plus of sobriety and a part of my mind knows a binge is coming sooner or later.
I’m doing my best to stay positive, sober and learn from this today.
One thing I know is that seeking support before I allow myself to go drinking is something I need to do.
Thanks for hearing me.
Bill
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 281
It is so hard, the battle is never really over. I had 5 years and slowly slipped back to weekend bingeing over the course of moderating for a year.
Take care and don't be hard on yourself, that may set you up for another drinking session.
IMT
Take care and don't be hard on yourself, that may set you up for another drinking session.
IMT
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
I get a year plus of sobriety and a part of my mind knows a binge is coming sooner or later.
Bill,I have been there,but it was quite a while ago.Finally,that kind of thinking has left me.I had to reach a point where I wanted to stay sober so badly I threw that idea away.I wasn`t finished drinking when I had those reservations,reservations that some day I`l drink again and it will be ok or it will be fun or I can control it.That day never comes
Have you been to AA?
Bill,I have been there,but it was quite a while ago.Finally,that kind of thinking has left me.I had to reach a point where I wanted to stay sober so badly I threw that idea away.I wasn`t finished drinking when I had those reservations,reservations that some day I`l drink again and it will be ok or it will be fun or I can control it.That day never comes
Have you been to AA?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: ohio
Posts: 39
That's the big lie I tell myself. I can control it. I don't know how many beers I grabbed last night saying, this is the last one. They are all gone this morning and I feel sooo bad emotionally. Really bad....
I recently relapsed after getting 1+ year sobriety. I can see now where I was starting to slip back into old ways of thinking before I actully picked up that first drink. I was fortunate to have made it back so quickly--jumped back into recovery. I fell hard--FAST! I can tell that my disease has progressed, even when I wasn't drinking. I am just glad you made it back too. Keep moving forward. We do recover.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Thanks for the reminder, Bartender, that we are never safe, no matter how long our sobriety. We have this for life. Congrats on your past sober time. You are an inspiration to those of us who haven't made it that far, that we can NEVER relax our vigilance. I often sit in AA meetings, listening to "old timers" and think, well they are not at risk anymore. As many times as I have heard that it remains "one day at a time" for everyone and anyone, I don't think I really believed it. I'd love to think that I will be able to "put this behind me" at some point in my life, the fact is, that I never will.
Over this past year I started going. There is a Wednesday night meeting I am headed to today.
Thanks for the input everyone, I'm too clouded to respond properly, but I know if I stay sober today that will change. I'm keeping this as simple as possible and staying sober today is my only goal.
Thanks for the input everyone, I'm too clouded to respond properly, but I know if I stay sober today that will change. I'm keeping this as simple as possible and staying sober today is my only goal.
Bartender hang in there, it will get better, the greatest thing I found out in AA was that I never HAVE to drink again unless I REALLY want to.
It sure sounds as though right now you have the honesty needed going on!!!
By going to AA you are showing an open mind and a willingness to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober!!
If you remember HOW and keep practicing it things will get better.
HOW
Honesty
Open mindness
Willingness
It sure sounds as though right now you have the honesty needed going on!!!
By going to AA you are showing an open mind and a willingness to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober!!
If you remember HOW and keep practicing it things will get better.
HOW
Honesty
Open mindness
Willingness
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Hi Bill,
I had seventeen months of sobriety and relapsed...I know exactly how you feel...It was so hard to forgive myself and start over...
Here I am, and I am looking at five months of sobriety...The important thing is I made it back...I was given another chance...
Try to stay on a positive note and keep reaching out for support...
You can do this...:
I had seventeen months of sobriety and relapsed...I know exactly how you feel...It was so hard to forgive myself and start over...
Here I am, and I am looking at five months of sobriety...The important thing is I made it back...I was given another chance...
Try to stay on a positive note and keep reaching out for support...
You can do this...:
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