I did listen to him because while he was telling me all of that I slowly realized that he KNEW what he was doing to HER and it occurred to me that he KNEW what he was doing to me AND that he enjoyed it! I wanted to hear more about how he liked to manipulate her and I used it to apply to his treatment of me (and all women). It's like I heard him for the first time - clearly. He hurt me on purpose. And had fun doing it. He does it because he is so insecure in himself and uses people. I realized that I let him manipulate me with the threat of his anger for years. I was so afraid of him! But at the same time I felt sorry for him. I found myself keeping my opinions to myself, dressing to please him, and even growing my hair longer to please him. But it was NEVER enough and never will be enough. It was crazy! I got a book from the library about gaslighting and that is him to a tee - and me. Throw in the alcohol and there you go - craziness for two.:wtf2
Narcissism is right on the money (I had read that book a few months ago). I know what that means - it is highly unlikely that he will ever recover, because narcissist usually don't. It's like which came first the alcoholism or the narcissism? But it doesn't really matter does it - it is what it is and trying to understand it will only drive me crazy and is a waste of time.