If you can, begin to take care of yourself. Try alanon, this will get your started. Remember you did not cause this, you cannot cure this and you cannot control it....no matter how hard you try.
I know from several years experience. He was the love of my life, and there is nothing I wanted more. I could separate the real him from the disease. It becomes very clear and sad once you can see it. I too, was madly in love with him. The problem...he loved the alcohol more than anything. Himself, me , his kids........it was his affair. Five years went by, I fell in love with someone else, as he, but we ended up trying again after he became sober when I left. It was not the same, and the magic died. He was very different,.........and so was I forever changed by all the pain and hurt. The magic was gone.......and all the crazies. What was left was not something for me.
I hope you find some peace for yourself......