LizzyB

Thanks everyone...and you're all right, I have a tendency to get way ahead of myself sometimes. I seem to have patience for everyone but myself. For some reason, I stumble through life, with the feeling that I'm running out of time...

I was reading on another thread, characteristics of children of A's and I was floored by one in particular...I never finish what I start. I have around 6 books I'm halfway through reading, four half finished paintings (because I'm waiting for my "insperation" to return)...3 short stories, and one novel left completely in mid air. In fact...the novel, I'm ready to ditch completely because I know longer even like the characters...

Even my friendships and relationships in life, are always left unresolved. I stick around, like the good girl, loyal to the end, until I can't take anymore (literally) and then "poof"...I walk away, disappear, and never look back...not for one second. If you need me, I'm there. If I think for one second, that I'm on the verge of being tossed to the side...you can bet, that I'll beat you to it...

I even gave up on therapy...years ago, it all came to an abrupt end, the day my therapist tried to put his hand up my skirt. The rational part of me, knows that this is not the norm...and would be very unlikely to occur again. But the unrational part of me screams, no way...not going back there. It's not even the incident that upsets me...it's that for the first time in my life I had put my faith in someone's good intentions...and had proven myself right. And, unfortunately it left me with the sense that perhaps I do something to invite people to walk all over me, you know?

You might say..."Why don't you just get a female therapist?" But as funny as it seems, I have an even harder time trusting women, then men...even though it's always been men who have hurt me in the physical sense. I don't understand it, and have a hard time getting past it...I call, make an appointment...then cancel.

I guess there's just so much to it...and I understand that I can't fix everything in one day...but I have lived in denial for so long. It's clear, that without me even realizing it, my past has affected all my choices in life. I want to make healthier choices, so I don't pass any of these traits on to my son...