Sorry about your loss VS.
I know what you are feeling.
My mother was an alcoholic and in her eyes I would see that look of pain and desperation.
I would see beyond the anger and just see that pain that my father had caused her and I would get mad at her for not doing anything about it but get drunk.
She finally did quit drinking and made a new life for herself with the help of some good friends. Regrettably, after being sober and happy for only four years she passed away from breast cancer in 1977.
Reliving these memories has been painful for me and my thoughts are with you.